I took a moment today to re-read a post I wrote almost a year ago today, The Next Chapter. I wrote it right before starting my first job at Catalyst, which transformed into Rhythm Engineering, and smack in the middle of my first few months living in Kansas City. Maybe this is always true for looking back, but my how things have changed.
I think that’s what blows my mind the most about getting older; the passing of time changes us as people in ways we couldn’t expect. I’m sure a year from now I’ll look back at this, roll my eyes, and scoff, you were so young. The older I get the more I realize how little I know. The less I realize I know, the more I want to learn. I don’t have a problem with being in this position.
My Papa passed away on Monday, July 3rd.
I got the call about an hour after driving back from a weekend at the lake for the 4th of July. I was sunburned, bruised, and exhausted, yet none of that compared to the three words my dad told me over the phone, “Papa passed away.”
I don’t think words can ever describe how grief feels. There are too many words wrapped into one feeling that I can’t make much sense of: pain, confusion, emptiness, fear, denial, sadness, relief, love, anger, sorrow, emptiness.
Maybe I just can’t put into writing how I feel.
Happy Birthday Madison! I adore you more than garlic bread and I hope your day is absolutely spectacular ❤ Here’s to 23 babe!
It was a balmy Friday night and Madison was curled up on her couch and scrolling through needle point patterns on Instagram. It wasn’t that she didn’t have plans, it was more that she preferred her cozy blanket, shark-themed pjs, and a nice glass of wine over the bustle of an alcohol-fueled night out.
Besides, she had had a long day at work and she needed some time for herself.
A year ago I graduated, packed up my life, and moved 500 miles away to Kansas City for a person I was in love with. A year before that, I would have never guessed my life would have brought me there. And now I can safely say that a year ago I would never have guessed where my life would be now.
But isn’t that how life usually works? Things go in the exact opposite direction of what you’d expect, and in the midst of anything mundane, life throws a surprise curve ball in your face (is that how I do a sports reference?). Life has a habit of throwing surprises around whether you’re ready for them or not. And in the end, the best way to deal with them is by facing them head on.
I’ve been waiting a few weeks debating on how I was going to write this blog post. What do I share? How do I put it out there? How much is too much? Too little? What about my life do people really want to read? By the end of this article, hopefully I’ve answered that for myself.
I had a dream. One that, for some reason, didn’t dissipate in the morning. It was about two people caught in a single moment. But rather than letting that dream drift back into my subconscious after waking up, I decided to write a story about those two people. I knew nothing about them, yet I had to know their story. So I wrote it.
I couldn’t stop pacing. It’s like my feet had to be moving as fast as my head was racing, my book left unattended on the stool next to my lounge chair.
I couldn’t get over the way I had felt last night. When Darren looked at me, it was like he was looking right into me. My heart stopped in my chest in a way it hadn’t before. We were suspended in this moment—a look—that made me feel like everything around us had stopped and we were the only ones left on this ship, apart from the stars shining above us and the salty sea surrounding us.
It was a moment so real, I thought for a second he was about to kiss me.
Hey friends, family, and fellow cat lovers. Spring as sprung here in Kansas City, and we’ve been bombarded with an influx of rainy, wet weather and overcast skies. I can’t complain, honestly it reminds me of London. Oh how I miss those cloudy days by the River Thames. But now that KC is home, the overcast skies of Kansas come in a close second.
As for life, I recently celebrated my 23rd Birthday! It was terrific. I grabbed brunch with a couple girlfriends (we enjoyed bottomless Belini’s and they were to die for. If you’re in KC, check out Avenues Bistro in Brookside because their brunch was fab!) and then Marcus took me out for sushi in the evening. Here’s a cute pic of us from before dinner for you to enjoy. I basically had to force him to take a photo with me, the boy hates taking pictures more than pretty much anything else.
Life has been flying. Last I checked it was October, and now we’re a month into 2017. What a whirlwind that has been.
Beyond the speed of passing time, not much has changed in my little corner of Kansas City. I still adore living on my own in my little apartment. I purchased a new/used car—a 2014 Nissan Altima, a nice upgrade from the 2002 Buick LeSabre I was driving (Thanks Nana and Papa)—it has me speeding a little bit faster, but don’t tell my cop boyfriend ;). I actually bought it the day after the election. It was horrific.